You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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