Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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