Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That accounts for only three of the penises
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
