Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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