i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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