Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Randomize
