he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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