I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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