Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
