You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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