On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well I just put wine in my tea
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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