dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
