Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
