I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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