dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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