I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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