What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
