just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
