walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
