Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
