As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
