honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
