If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
