having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
