she woke up with a sticky ear
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You ate ashes out of my bong
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
