i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
