I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
