I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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