im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your topless pictures make me question reality
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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