There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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