It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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