I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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