Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
