I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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