i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
