Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
