Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
