What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
