just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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