awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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