I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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