So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
