then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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