I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
