You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
