Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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