WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Randomize