I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
