whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
