My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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