I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
