have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
