glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
