making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm like, not good at living.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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