don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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