he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
