i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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