so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
