Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
