No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
