Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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