peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
