Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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