I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
