So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
