could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
