The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
