I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
