In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
