so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
