Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
