So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize