the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
