We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Houston, we have a squirter
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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