just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize