i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
