RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
