its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
